sadness

sadness is like a wall you have to climb over. everyday, you are given something to stack on top of each other to help you over the wall. sometimes the stack becomes high enough for your eyes to look over the top, and even though you aren't over, you feel relief. then the things you've stacked fall out from under you, and you feel worse than before. and you begin to look back too much and you lose sight of stacking the objects back up again. and you feel like you'll never feel better. but for some reason, you remember the wall, and you stack those things back up again. over time, you lift yourself up and over. and each time you do this, your muscles get stronger, and you choose to let your heart get harder or softer in the process.

my heart becomes softer, stronger, but frustratingly not wiser, with each time. i keep running toward those whose hearts are hard. almost as soon as they let me in, they shut me out. and each time, they give me a new wall to climb over.